If you want you can play this song...
Current
Where is it?
I can't find it.
I thought I already figured out the flow of things, but it turns out I'm just another droplet that is being controlled by the current.
Honestly I don't know what I've gotten myself into—or why I got this lost.
Some said if there's a way in there's also a way out. But I got lost, got so lost and tried to find myself over and over again.
It's tiring.
I always wake up in the morning ready to fix myself and have a new start but it always goes to nothing and the universe always finds a way to pull me back down.
It sucks waking up into reality and realizing that I'am still living in a nightmare.
I'am just living this repetitive nightmare where I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal or I'm just ill.
I'am so tired of being stuck in my own mind and overthink everything.
Everyday feels like a constant search for what things I'am good at or what I'd like to do for the rest of my life.
Because it's so hard growing up as an achiever, people always tend to see me get those awards and recognitions at school.
Failure? I'm not afraid of it, I'm only afraid to fail everyone's huge expectation of me.
It is so hard, it's hard being a light to other people when you're stuck in a very dark place.
It's so hard, being a stranger in your own self.
It's always frightening, to think that every decision I make today will affect the future. I wish I'm making the right choices, God knows how much I want to have a future that is free from those regrets..
Thats why
I Desired
something where I can finally say that...
I found it.
Here it is, my purpose.
Claiming that in the future I will certainly find it.
I want to be courageous enough to leave that current place.
I don't want to be in the dark and watch my life from a screen to where I can't act anything for myself.
I dream of a future to where someday, I will be out of all the darkness and live with all the colors. I will go somewhere quiet and breath knowing that all the storms have passed now and be ready if any will come.
I want a future where I can realized that I've had enough of the bad thoughts and feelings. It's time to let myself free from all the shits of the past.
I will chase my dreams and passion, I know I can be better and I know I can achieve more.
I will look forward to that day, to the future where I get to choose and decide for my own life.
To the future me, that will certainly find her purpose in life.